During the past 8 years I have been learning to live with and understand being clairvoyant, clairsentient, clairaudient, sometimes claircognisant, being able to communicate with deceased loved ones, remembering past and parallel lives and feeling energies and emotions in an intensity I never knew before. Most of it basically appeared overnight after years of natural healing. So it was quite a shock and a whole lot of stuff at once.
In addition me and my family had just moved to an area where we knew no one, had no support system and the only ones I could rely on for teaching me were angels, archangels, ascended masters, my guides and guardian angels.
This 8 year journey also included working through a carmic relationship which included three separations, two reunions, one divorce that’s currently happening. And also “losing” 6 children and learning to live with them, keeping communication going, incorporating them into my life, but also going through immense grief.
And to add to that I remembered numerous past lives vividly where I had been killed in several cruel ways for the exact abilities that were now showing up again. That made me face the same fear again and left me unable to speak to anyone but my husband about what was happening. Oh, and I also remembered all childhood violence and aggression from this life and worked through that as well.
Sounds a lot? It was.
For some reason through all this time I had the feeling there was a reason for this, even though I had no idea what that was. I often felt I needed to write about this, but the time never felt right and I couldn’t do it.
Well, it seems that the time is now to not only share my story but also my gifts and the childrens story. They’ve been nudging me to write about this for a while, but I just couldn’t do it. I was in the wrong place with the wrong people, never feeling safe or supported enough to open up.
This has changed profoundly during the past few months. Not only did I encounter thousands of Angel Card Reader colleagues worldwide connected in one Facebook group of which a few have become very close, like friends. One in particular not only for me, but also for my children. So they know to whom to turn to when they really want to get something across to me. And my angels as well. Which is beautiful and gives me a lot of comfort. Prior to that I had let go of the wish of ever meeting a medium and have my children come through to me. Well, Spirit works in wondrous ways.
I also ended this phase of my life that happened at the Baltic Sea. And that wasn’t a smooth ending, finding a job and new home and I’m settled kind of change. No. Normal didn’t work for me. So I decided to finally follow my heart and the cries of my soul which had been pulling me back South for all those 8 years. I had pushed it aside knowing that the time wasn’t right. But now it was. Everything I had pushed aside came up in huge ocean like waves. I cried a lot while I tried to figure out how to move myself and to which area or town. One day I felt a push to go there. I couldn’t bridge 800 km virtually. I needed to go there.
So I called two friends asking whether I could come and stay a few days to figure out what to do. One said “Yes” and so I went. Upon leaving the highway my body suddenly said “Home” which surprised me. My husband and I had been living in this town before we moved to the Baltic Sea, but still I didn’t expect this. I just said “O.k.”.
During the next few days I got a lot of help and met friendly, open people that I wasn’t used to anymore. The mentality is very different in North and South and the climate as well. I decided to move into the guest room of my friends for a few weeks, get financial state support and then figure out the next steps while I’m there.
So I went back north and within 9 days ended my life there. That meant shutting down a used books business and disposing of more than 1.500 books, packing my stuff, finding a place to store my furniture and putting it there and getting at least one of the people interested in the house to sign the contract so that my husband and I were out of it. It all worked out. It was a hell lot of physical work and scary and emotional, but it all worked out.
And so I went down South with my male cat in a box next to me and the car packed full with all the stuff that I could take. Which was all stuff that made me feel at home and/or was needed for work. Angel Cards of course, Angel books, clothes, my bedding, meditation cushion, my three plants and of course toilets, food, blankets for my cat.
It was a long drive. I cried a lot in the first few hours. Upon arrival I had to separate us. Artemis went to friends in another town. Where I was staying the daughter is allergic to cats. So he had to go somewhere else. And so we moved in. And again I tried to figure out a normal way. Finding a flat. Finding a job. Well, didn’t work. Pressure build up, because the time we had agreed upon was coming to an end. And I had no idea where to go.
During that whole time there I was often hit by grief about the ending marriage, ending a huge phase in my life and to my surprise a lot of grief about my children came up again. I also experienced massive exhaustion. The huge physical upheaval of the past months hit me like a brick wall and for a few days all I could do was lie in bed and sleep most of the time.
Being around and with several children during those weeks healed a disconnection I had had since my miscarriages. I had completely lost touch with children. I couldn’t get near one, let alone babies or pregnant women. For some reason I felt guided by the angels to stay in those families with children for these few weeks to heal exactly that disconnection, that wound I still had. And it worked. The children worked their way through to me. They just connected and did their thing. And included me. And over time I found my way of connecting to them as well.
(To be continued.)