I am currently at a point to stepping into new territory in all areas of my life. My dedication and hard work during the past year have brought my business to the point of financial self-sufficiency. I will step away from state support at the end of this month. This is huge for me and it brings up fears at the moment on a daily basis. And I know that every fear is a gatekeeper to something new. Every time I step through I leave something behind, I make a change to taking back my own power, living my life on my terms.
Old dreams and fears are returning
Parallel to that something else is coming up again. My long held dream of having children. Now most of you know that I have six children in heaven who all left in early pregnancy. What I never shared up until now is how my former husband and I thought about having children and living with them. But because I am now being shown a healthy pregnancy and the resulting child in the future, all of those thoughts and plans are returning to me as well. With a different man of course. And the fears we had come up as well, but I no longer let those control my decisions.
Taking back my power regarding my body
I have long been against the sick “healthcare system” I am living with in this country. I have suffered a lot of abuse, misdiagnosis and mistreatment by what I call “Stone age medicine” (my term for school medicine) as a child, teenager and young adult. Since the return of my abilities and sensitivities and me starting to live a spiritually guided life, it has become more and more clear to me that I have to step out of this system to be who I truly am and to take back my power.
The last years have seen me getting to know my body and its signals and language better than ever before and today I know and understand what it needs. We have a clear communication and if I want help with anything I have an osteopath and a naturopath I trust. I do not need anyone outside of me to check my body for anything. I know when something is needed. My body tells me.
In my eyes that’s what all people need to relearn: communicating with their bodies, taking their power back, knowing that being healthy is natural and being scanned for sickness regularly is sick.
Natural pregnancy and birth
In the same way I think about pregnancy and birth. I want a natural pregnancy and birth without any medical supervision or intervention, because that in my eyes should be the norm. I don’t consult a doctor when having sex to conceive a child. So I am not going to do it for being pregnant and giving birth either. The current medical system that I call “sickness system” has made natural processes into unnatural dangerous ones and I’m not buying into that. I know I am here to be the change. I won’t go against the system. I simply withdraw my partaking and live my life on my terms.
Freelearning and Unschooling
Much the same will happen for the child’s growing up. I have been watching the debate in Germany in the past weeks about not enough teachers in schools and complaints that children don’t have enough political education. Yet the solutions are being sought in the old ways like recruiting anyone to be teachers. It’s time to take a view from a higher perspective and suspend the law that forces children in Germany to go to school and doesn’t allow other options like homeschooling or unschooling. It’s time to open up to establishing free democratic schools like Sudbury schools where children grow up LIVING democracy and not learning it in theory.
Right now if I don’t want my child to be forced to go to school to learn stuff it will never need, I need to end my registration as a German citizen and have no permanent home address in this country. When my former husband and I were thinking about that, we were afraid and didn’t do it. Today I’m no longer afraid. I am watching too many German families who are traveling for that reason. I have also watched just one partner go travel part-time with the child while the other stays registered, because of a job.
I am determined to make my dreams come true
I no longer fear this system nor do I fear the consequences of taking my power back and not taking part in the system. I have been through too many uprootings and upheavals in the past years and I’m still here alive and my health and financial situation are better than they have been for a long time. I am determined more than ever to make my dreams come true and live life on my terms. I am determined to be the change this world needs for my child or children. Because they come here to live in the future not in our past.